Just finished reading a few pages in Monica Coates book and it confirmed what God told me earlier today. If I would ask the world I'm pretty sure they would say I'm in a state of depression. I went to class today, went to lunch, then went to my friend's Dad's studio and wrote a song and then came home to work on another song but I sat on the couch for a bout 5 hours in the dark. The only light coming from my laptop. Depressed much.
She epxlained as well as God told me yesterday and today that WE are writing my story. Not that he hasn't already planned my life. He's helping me put it in a form to share with others in the sake of my ministry. Monica said God is building my character because I will need it in the MONSTROUS industry I'm going into.
Amongst all that tonight I believe God has given me a Target audience and a sound for now. It may change but I can strongly agree with him on this one. My target audience is 20-30 something. Like me, Looking for love, to be loved, trying to establish life, pursue goals, seeking direction, want to know God but don't know where to look , trying to survive and start a legacy, searching for purpose. So far I've had a taste of all of these and know I will have to experience more challenges but THIS will be my target to help those people. I knew I wasn't meant for children or teens per say but I know this age quite good.
My sound is FULL MOON (brandy-creativity-rodney 'darkchild' jerkins) Meets Israel and Newbreed and Lakewood Worship meet Britt Nicoles Target Message. So it's like a pop worship. Can't wait to see what category the industry will try to place me in. But God is building me so they can say what they want. I know what He said and I Know who I am.
Tomorrow I'm going to pursue and out of state opportunity in the industry. It's time for me to grow up ,spread my wings, step out of the boat and walk on water. I read something today that said stop trying to mature and just grow! They say the early 20's ,I'm 22, are the most exciting years in life to discover and explore. I'm ready. that is all
A young Buck
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
BREAKING
Today I realized something. I've had this feeling since I was 13. I'm just not good enough I guess. I'll never be what's expected. I'm easily blamed for having an attitude or what we say at church "A spirit".
Briefly I'm going ot share my dream. I can't dwell on it because I just got through recording a song and I feel better but I must have cried for an hour today. And these aren't just tears they are painful SOBS. I'm sick of it!
Within the last two months I've had 3 dreams, one last night, of me BLOWING up at church and leaving and it wasn't pretty. I can never tell what leads up to it. And I tried to make myself stay in longer last night to see what happens next but I wonder what it all means. I can usually interpret dreams but this one is hard. I mean I know what it means and what I'm feeling but is this God's way of telling me to leave before it blows up and people get hurt. I don't want to complain but I feel like I unwillingly had to sacrifice everything for ministry. Truth be told we've never had a COMPLETE family and I wrestle with the fact is that of God. I have to wrap it up now cause I'm getting back upset. But what consoled me today is in the stillness God told me that we're writing my story. I used to say that I have nothing as far as experience is concerned to tell people. OMG MINISTRY is on it's WAY!
What fears me and I know i have to reverse it to FAITH cause I'm choosing to trust God, is if my dream becomes reality, where do I go from there? I've been working in the church for almost 6 years doing nothing else. Church EVERYDAY.. I'm scared I may not adapt to anything else well. This is the perfect time to play Israel's new song. You Hold my World in you hands from his new Cd Love God, Love People. Good Night
Breaking
Briefly I'm going ot share my dream. I can't dwell on it because I just got through recording a song and I feel better but I must have cried for an hour today. And these aren't just tears they are painful SOBS. I'm sick of it!
Within the last two months I've had 3 dreams, one last night, of me BLOWING up at church and leaving and it wasn't pretty. I can never tell what leads up to it. And I tried to make myself stay in longer last night to see what happens next but I wonder what it all means. I can usually interpret dreams but this one is hard. I mean I know what it means and what I'm feeling but is this God's way of telling me to leave before it blows up and people get hurt. I don't want to complain but I feel like I unwillingly had to sacrifice everything for ministry. Truth be told we've never had a COMPLETE family and I wrestle with the fact is that of God. I have to wrap it up now cause I'm getting back upset. But what consoled me today is in the stillness God told me that we're writing my story. I used to say that I have nothing as far as experience is concerned to tell people. OMG MINISTRY is on it's WAY!
What fears me and I know i have to reverse it to FAITH cause I'm choosing to trust God, is if my dream becomes reality, where do I go from there? I've been working in the church for almost 6 years doing nothing else. Church EVERYDAY.. I'm scared I may not adapt to anything else well. This is the perfect time to play Israel's new song. You Hold my World in you hands from his new Cd Love God, Love People. Good Night
Breaking
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