BREAKING

Today I realized something. I've had this feeling since I was 13. I'm just not good enough I guess. I'll never be what's expected. I'm easily blamed for having an attitude or what we say at church "A spirit".
Briefly I'm going ot share my dream. I can't dwell on it because I just got through recording a song and I feel better but I must have cried for an hour today. And these aren't just tears they are painful SOBS. I'm sick of it!
Within the last two months I've had 3 dreams, one last night, of me BLOWING up at church and leaving and it wasn't pretty. I can never tell what leads up to it. And I tried to make myself stay in longer last night to see what happens next but I wonder what it all means. I can usually interpret dreams but this one is hard. I mean I know what it means and what I'm feeling but is this God's way of telling me to leave before it blows up and people get hurt. I don't want to complain but I feel like I unwillingly had to sacrifice everything for ministry. Truth be told we've never had a COMPLETE family and I wrestle with the fact is that of God. I have to wrap it up now cause I'm getting back upset. But what consoled me today is in the stillness God told me that we're writing my story. I used to say that I have nothing as far as experience is concerned to tell people. OMG MINISTRY is on it's WAY!
What fears me and I know i have to reverse it to FAITH cause I'm choosing to trust God, is if my dream becomes reality, where do I go from there? I've been working in the church for almost 6 years doing nothing else. Church EVERYDAY.. I'm scared I may not adapt to anything else well. This is the perfect time to play Israel's new song. You Hold my World in you hands from his new Cd Love God, Love People. Good Night

Breaking